Archive for May, 2008

05-30-2008

Embracing Change

EMBRACING CHANGE 

The one thing that is constant in all of our lives is change.  For many of us (me) change is difficult (except when it is to our benefit such as a winning lottery ticket or something I want).  I have never been great at embracing change immediately and seeing it for what it is… growth.  I tend to wrestle it long before I accept its spiritual benefit.  Moving to

Las Vegas was one example of change that I was slow to embrace.   

In my state of wrestling, God led me to someone whom He would use to speak to me with holy wisdom.  This new relationship would change my life.  This godly man, filled with wisdom, knowledge and compassion became my spiritual director.  When I went to visit him I would most often be filled with sorrow (still questioning God’s plan in bringing us to the desert).  He would always guide me to a higher consciousness and inspire me with the WORD of God.  In my spiritual desert, he helped keep me  hydrated with holy water through his wise counsel, and through him I saw the reflection of Jesus.  Each time I left his office, I had a gift… HOPE.   He helped me to see my circumstances in the light of a loving God who is with us in all things, especially in change. Slowly, my perception began to shift and with the help of his holy nuggets of wisdom I began to embrace this change and the desert.    

A few months back I found out that this person who had now become a rock in my life, a watering hole in the desert, and a channel I could hear God speak to me with great clarity, was leaving.  Change…. GRRRRRR %$&^%#$*.   Once again I sunk into grief, this was not a change I would be quick to embrace.  Through my unrestrainable tears, my spiritual director allowed me to express my true feelings (sadness).   He reminded me that we can’t leap frog our grief (Good Friday) and go straight into acceptance (Resurrection).  It is important for all of us to have safe places to experience the entirety of our feelings (both good and bad ones).   

Through my reflecting, I thought about how my move (that change I fought) led me to this person who inspired in me a deeper relationship with my Father.  Now I was thanking God for the same change I had questioned Him about tirelessly.  Through a holy relationship (given to me by God) I found a wellspring of love (in the desert) that would change my life for the better.  

My instinct is still to wrestle change (What will I do without him?  How will I hear God now?) My new awareness tells me that God will use this to grow me.   Instead of wrestling God with ‘why’, I can be thankful for the gift He gave me by sending this person into my life when I was most in need. I can look forward to the ways God will continue to use this holy disciple whom   I know will continue to channel God’s hope and light to others as I am also called to do.  I am reminded (that although painful at times), God’s love for us co-exists in change.  I also realize that I have a choice… I can wrestle or I can trust;  I can fight or I can accept;  I can continuously question or I can seek God in the newness.   I am learning that although tears are a healthy part of the process, that an incredible experience of God is awaiting me as I learn to EMBRACE CHANGE.   

In gratitude for Fr. Mark Serna (Please keep him in your holy prayers as he faithfully returns to his monastery in

Rhode Island).

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05-30-2008

Peace in the Chaos

Peace in the Chaos 

Each of us face challenges, that is just the reality of our human condition.  At times we can feel backed into a corner, helpless and left questioning… Why??? What? How?  

I confess, I don’t immediately go to a place of gratitude when I am faced with pain or challenge, I usually spin awhile, and yes question.   Due to my inability to get out of my own head during such times, God sends me hope in the voice of wise spiritual counsel (the HS) and in holy friends accompanying me on the journey.   It is often through their faith I find hope I can cling to, that which helps guide me through the fog & chaos and guides me toward the light.   

This past weekend we were at mass with my friend Tracie who was visiting from

Dallas.  As we settled into our chairs, Jac began to have intense seizures (one on top of the other).   There was hardly room in the pew for him to sprawl out on me as he was attempting to do in his discomfort,  so I got up to take him somewhere he could lie down.  When I stood to leave with Jac, Brooke (Mama’s girl) began to scream and cry uncontrollably; “Mommy, mommy, I want my mommy!”  With all eyes on us now, in what was formerly a somewhat quiet sanctuary, Instinctively, Tracie (single mama of five) swooped Brooke into her arms and headed for the nearest exit.   

I settled onto the floor in a back corner of the church and held Jac as he laid ontop of me jerking erratically.   My head was spinning (Is Tracie okay with Brooke? Is Brett okay with Josh and Luke?  Why is Jac having so many seizures?  Is he going to be okay?) At the sign of peace a woman (who had been watching us and sending over occasional glances of compassion) walked toward us,  leaned over (since we were still on the floor unable to get up) and put her hand on my head. She blessed me without saying a word.  I looked up at her fighting back the tears in my eyes and saw her doing the same thing.  That eye connection was one of the most intimate exchanges I remember receiving during the sign of the peace.  With the blessing of her hands, her gentle touch, and her soul-full eyes, she was extending to me unconditional peace.  This is peace that co-exists with chaos.  Not a peace that is only experienced when I am sitting by the ocean listening to the calm of the waves, or when I’m praying in silence, or when my life is sailing along without ruffle, but true peace – peace that exists in the chaos.  That kind of peace ignites hope.  Hope I might not always feel, but I am learning more and more that I can trust in.  

Following communion , as I was praying (talking to God),  I found myself back in a place of questioning.  (“How in the world do you expect me to do all this, to handle it all?”)  It was then I heard His gentle whisper, “but you didn’t have to- did you?”   I realized in that moment that God had sent us help and hope.   He sent Tracie reminding me that He will always provide, always send me what I need, and never ask me to go it alone.   He also sent me the compassionate woman at communion, who reminded me of connected compassion,  a physical  extension of peace in the chaos.  I could have easily missed these God encounters as I was entangled in my own spinning chaotic mind.   But God revealed something else to me (even in my questioning), that I (we) are not alone.  He sends us help, He gives us hope and when we allow ourselves to stop questioning and to take a break from spinning, then we can experience peace in the chaos. 

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05-30-2008

Made of Honor or NOT?

Made of Honor???  Not so much!  

I’m not Siskel, Ebert, Roeper, or a famous movie critic, but I might be able to save you a few bucks and your time if you read on…  

I had the privilege of having some of my girlfriends visit this week.  (Because I have a GREAT husband, who is also an awesome guest columnist), we were able to sneak off for the rare opportunity to catch a chic flick.  One of my friends has a thing for Patrick Dempsey so she chose the movie Made of Honor.   Although I knew little about it, I did know that the premise was about a boy realizing he had feelings for his best friend.   I like the story line since I too married my best friend.  I was also pretty much just glad to have a chance to go to the movies with my girls!  What I did not expect was how bad a movie it might be.   Because it is so challenging to finally carve out time and your life savings to attend a movie,  it sorda feels like a kick in the gut when it’s this bad.  Just because I care about you and want to save you the brutal beating my wallet and time took I will offer you the following considerations.  

First of all, there is the predictable script: Boy meets girl, she is disinterested, they become best friends.   (Thanks, we already saw it in My Best Friends Wedding).   Boy and girl stay friends, he can’t see what is right in front of him so opts for meaningless sex.  (BTW: women don’t appreciate being portrayed as mindless, immoral, objects).   The girl leaves town and the boy misses her.  He processes this with his buddies on the basketball court (stereotypical male bonding).  The worst part of the movie (for me) was when the ‘so called’ successful group of friends shoots hoops while a supposed ‘geek’ tries desperately to be included.  It was like watching high school all over again except no one grew up.  They treated this guy condescendingly, rudely and in all ways like they were better than him and the audience was meant to laugh with them, at him.  I kept thinking to myself how the script MUST be working in a storyline that would lead the ‘so called’  cool, successful, wealthy, handsome, guys to have some sort of conversion because of this unique individual… ummmm, sadly that does is not what happens.  Throughout the movie they berated and belittled him and continued to expect the audience to laugh.  We didn’t.   I would have left but I kept thinking surely it would get better, I was mistaken.  The girl returns from her trip and the boy plans to surprise her to profess his love, although the surprise is that she is engaged (saw it already on friends w/ Ross and Rachel).  The only surprise in the movie for me was how bad it continuously got.   I questioned how in the world it made it to the big screen and how innocent people were tricked into paying money towards it.  Females were continuously depicted in condescending ways.  An overweight girl starves herself and ends up ripping her dress (not funny), a girl who is bitter, hurt and a supposed floozy hits throws herself on the groom  (not funny),  a grandma who mistakes a sex toy for a necklace and a priest notices (not funny),  men portrayed as uncaring, chauvinistic , egotistical women users full of rules and game playing (not funny).   

  I was so disturbed  by the way people (all people) were treated throughout the movie in relation to human dignity.   When will movie makers get that we are not impressed by innumerable sexual conquests?  We are sick of seeing women portrayed as mindless, immoral bimbos, and men as uncaring, egotistical bigots.  We are offended when those who might have special needs are outwardly persecuted and ridiculed.  The word ‘retard’ means developmentally delayed.  Please stop abusing it and using it for any other purpose than referring to our special needs community with love and compassion.  The real world is hard enough, we don’t want to go to the movies to see injustice celebrated and worse, have to pay for it!  

I am not in any way trying to be a moral judge, but I admit I felt completely offended watching this movie and it was not my self righteousness at work, rather I know it was my Holy Spirit!  It was that indwelling which is able to discern holiness and that was grieving the  dishonorable display of human dignity.   How can any of us sit and watch people be cruel to one another and not feel anything, or worse yet- to laugh without sensitivity?  When that happens we are in trouble.  The spirit within all of us is continuously calling us to higher ground.  Let’s hope someone in

Hollywood gets the message and they realizes that Made of Honor – is anything but honorable. The honorable thing to do would be to give everyone their money back!

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05-30-2008

This One’s For the Girls by Brett Amosson

This One’s for the Girls by Brett Amosson  

First of all, I would like to apologize to all the males out there whom my wife offended in her last post.  I could not identify with any of the accusations she made and I feel certain the other males reading it had no idea what she was talking about either. So, since all is fair in love and war (must be the slogan for marriage?); here is my rebuttal for the ladies to take note:  

  1. I do write in your card, you usually say it wasn’t enough or the right thing… we can’t win
  2. I don’t comment on your weight but you keep asking.  That’s why I practice -  “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”.
  3. Yoga is not an interest, it is a form of torture.
  4. I have always applauded the changes in you, especially when you change the dishwasher, change the linens and bring home change.  
  5. I don’t see you applauding my hair for falling out.
  6. I agree, cereal is much better than your cooking.
  7. I’m not relaxing, I’m ignoring you.
  8. You wanna talk TV?  I could care a less what Oprah thinks so quit telling me.
  9. I know about your syndrome, but it shouldn’t last the entire month. 
  10. I agree you should have time with your friends and to be fair, I should have time with your friends also.

 

And while I’m at it here are a few of my own…

 

And I will conclude with the list below.  I can’t take credit for writing the following, but I can admit to being in agreement with them. Take Note Females -  Take Care fellow Males Brett D. Amosson  


Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ”
ON PURPOSE!   1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong..
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

(Okay,  I deserved that… touché sweetie, sorry girls)

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05-30-2008

Spiritually Fit Guys

This One’s for the Guys 

I have the privilege of spending the majority of my time in the presence of males.  I married one, have three little ones (actually one a little taller than me),  I have a dad, a father-in-law, a brother in Christ, and some of the bestest friends of the male persuasion. I also have a mail- man, no wait… she if female.  Anyway, the men in my life have led me to believe that they could use some help from time to time attempting to understand the women in their life.  If you have ever sought to comprehend the female mind only to continue coming up blank; this message might help you…  

10 Helpful Hints for my Male Friends~   

  1. Girls like cards with messages written from you on them, not just the creative designer at Hall-mark (who is probably a girl).  The only part we really read is what you write in your own handwriting so spend some time there (it will be to your benefit).

 

  1. Don’t ever, ever, ever, never, ever comment on our weight, not if we gain, not if we lose.  If you tell us we look good because we lost weight then when we gain it back we remember it as you saying we are a fat, ugly, unattractive, humongous, ginormous, overstuffed cow. That is how it is translated into our brain whenever you comment on our weight loss- so just zip it.  Seriously, we already know how our jeans fit- we don’t need your help with this one.  Memorize this phrase and marital bliss just might be in your future “You are perfect exactly the way you are!” 

 

  1. Don’t be frustrated because we don’t have the same interests as you.  If we liked watching sports, playing golf, hunting, and spitting we would be called… a guy.  

 

  1. Don’t say with negativity that we are not the same woman you married; If we were still that girl we would have ceased growing.  Woman are constantly changing, that is part of the excitement for you – you get to be with a new woman every day. 

 

  1. Don’t comment when we change our hair other than “It looks great!” If we want it straight, or curly, black, brown, red, blonde, ash, cinnamon, strawberry, or streaked go with it.  We will change it soon anyway so it’s best to keep it to yourself.  If you say you hate it chances are we will keep it that way longer.  See rule # 2 for more information.  Hint ~ You are perfect exactly….

 

  1. Cereal is a food-group with essential vitamins and minerals, thus when we serve it to you for breakfast and  dinner it is because we love you and want you to reap the amazing heart healthy benefits.

 

  1. We are not good at relaxing because you are usually doing it for the both of us.

 

  1. If you are looking for romance, NASCAR re-runs is not the direct path.

 

  1. PMS is a serious syndrome with dangerous side effects (like irrational, tearful, sometimes violent outbursts).  Don’t argue with us on this one until you can experience it for yourself.  Simply medicate us with chocolate and migrate to another room, any one other than the one we are in is fine.

 

  1. Girl’s night out does not constitute picking up your dry cleaning with a girlfriend.  Make sure you encourage us to schedule regular play dates with our female counterparts.  We come home nicer to you!

 

Clearly, the list is much longer, but due to short-term memory and the fact that your game is about to start, I will leave you with the 10 nuggets above to further enhance your relationships with the important females in your life.  Good luck!   

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05-30-2008

Broken

Broken“Never let anything so fill you with sorrow that you forget the joy of the Christ Risen.”  Mother Teresa  

What does it mean to be broken? I love the book title, Broken in a Million Little Pieces, (regardless of what Oprah thought).   The title brings to light many reflective images highlighting intense feelings of hurt each of us can identify with at some time on our journey.  We live in a broken world, with broken churches, broken promises, broken hearts and broken people.  

Recently, I was honored to be able to break bread with my fellow sisters on a women’s retreat.  The weekend allowed us to reflect on the concept of our ‘brokenness’.  The mutual empathy in the room culminated in our realizing that most often we identify with one another most intimately through our woundedness, not our wholeness.  

At mass, Fr. Henry (the celebrant) passed around the ciborium.  He instructed each of us to place the bread on the ciborium as an outward symbol of giving our ‘whole’ lives to Christ.  After he had blessed the bread, He held it high, gave thanks, broke it and then invited us to do the same.  As he handed each of us communion, we were invited to break the host before consuming it thereby again aligning us with the brokenness of Jesus who alone makes us whole.  Together, as we shared in this Eucharistic activity, I glanced around the room realizing my eyes were not the only ones leaking.   Fr. Henry took note of a woman in our midst who had not received communion.  Realizing she was not Catholic, he approached her saying to all of us, “Another physical reminder of our brokenness, please forgive us sister.”  He then gave her a blessing (and a hug) and prayed to the Father for the day that this particular disconnect will be healed. She too joined in the tear-fest.    

It has been consistent in my own life I experience my most intimate relationships by allowing myself to be vulnerable in my brokenness-aligning with the crucified Christ.  Fr. Henry reminded us that in addition to taking our sins when He died on a cross and resurrected; He took something else too-His wounds.   Perhaps it was Jesus’ wounds that allowed His apostles to first recognize Him after He rose? And it happened that, while he was with them at table,
he took bread, said the blessing,
broke it, and gave it to them.
With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him,
but he vanished from their sight.” Luke 24:30-32 

For the broken among us; the alcoholic, unemployed, post abortion, sexual abuse, homeless, unplanned pregnancy, single parent, person struggling with sexuality, hurting marriage,  struggling families,  widow,  cancer, illness,  eating disorders, cutting, drugs.  For the lonely, the weary, the wounded, the care-giver, the suffering, the hurting, the searching, the hopeless, the tired, the aching, the grieving, the broken…  Know this… You are not alone.    Through our wounds we can reach out to one another and heal.  We were not meant to do it alone.  Broken-ness is part of the journey (all of our journey), a part we are meant to share in community, with one another, in breaking of the break, in sharing our broken hearts, in alignment with our Lord (once broken on a cross). When we feel like we have been broken in a million little pieces, we can hold onto the hope that our creator will take each piece and carefully craft a beautiful mosaic, a mosaic that will better reflect Him.    

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.  

What will you do with your brokenness?  

 See what Nick Vujicic is choosing“Life Without Limbs”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtweZxNGk1Y 

 

 

For the grieving parents of Effie- With love in your brokenesshttp://www.caringbridge.org/visit/effie 

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05-30-2008

Spiritually Fit Bodies

Spiritually Fit Bodies  scan00061.jpg

“I urge you therefore, brother, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2 I was on a flight after an incredibly soul-filling, and emotionally exhausting weekend retreat. The weight of my eyelids lured me into the fantasy of anticipated sleep (just a few more hours!).  I got out a book that my friend had just given me called Healing Prayer, this would be the perfect meditative opportunity before I reclaimed my bed.  I was asked to move to a different seat on the plane to accommodate a boyfriend and girlfriend who wanted to sit together.  This left me on an aisle seat with the two seats to my right available.  Just then two beautiful girls approached and made their way to the seats beside me.   Part of growing older has allowed me the gift of appreciating everyone’s gifts, even the gift of physical beauty.  I don’t see it as intimidating, I just see it as someone having been kissed by the pretty gene, so I was more than happy to make room for my attractive sisters.  I soon realized I was invisible to them as they talked incessantly on-top of one another.  I was not trying to eavesdrop, but my ADD wrestled  between Healing Prayer and the girl’s chatter.  I soon longed for earplugs or my ipod.  The talk went from their spray tans, to hair extentions,to all the augmentations they have had and are going to tweak, to their many relationships, bed partners, and ultimately revealing their profession of modeling (revealing being a key word).   The “F” bomb was flying like pop corn Kernels on a hot stove.  I kept trying to block it out and focus on my book, it was no use.  I shut the book and tried to fall asleep.  The volume of their conversation escalated with each sexual indiscretion they upped each other with. They applauded one another for their financial success and spoke of the challenge in deciding how to spend their fortunes. I confess, the overtired part of me went into judgment mode  and I was now agitated even at the couple who made me move in the first place, but another part of me, a more sensitive spiritual one, grieved.   I wondered how a person gets to such a place where their life is completely based on their external existence.  Their livelihood revolved around their body and so did their extracurricular activities. Suddenly, I had a whole new concept for ‘clothing the naked’.  I thought of my own little girl and how my deepest desire is to nurture her soul and shepherd her heart.  I hope to teach her the value of her body as God’s holy temple, the place that houses her soul, the place where the Holy Spirit lives and dwells.   I wanted to desperately take these girls back to a time when they were little and re-teach them the value of their worth, a worth that is not based on their temporal body, but rather their eternal one.  

With each “F” bomb, and each sexual conquest recounted, I became more sorrowful.  I thought about my friend who works for an outreach center. She had recently shed tears over her despondency that the shelters funding had been cut.  She worried this would greatly compromise the ability to feed the homeless in the community.  How is it that money can be so misappropriated that we are feeding ego’s and starving those who walk hungry among us?  We financially reinforce a maligned image of the body while ignoring the needs of our poor (our brothers and sisters).  I no longer was annoyed, or offended; I was just heartbroken.    I am not condemning or pretending to be more pious than I am. I am; however, realizing my own iniquities and responsibilities in regard to my need to refocus my priorities.   I want to take my eyes off the superficial, the expendable, and re-align with that which is everlasting.   I am reminded that the homeless woman does not ache for a manicure, but whose stomach growls for some broth.  The homeless man is not concerned if his legs look white in shorts, but he does have to ponder where he will rest his head each night.  The homeless children don’t care if they wear Nike or Reebok, but they do appreciate any kind of shoes to help protect their feet during inclement weather.  The homeless family does not care if their curtains match their furniture; they are just thankful for a roof over their head during a rainstorm.   

I grieve because I am guilty of contributing to this paradox every time I take my eyes off the everlasting.  For today, I pray that I am able to continually be more aware of ways I can let go of that which is temporal (even my body), and pay better attention to those in need.   I don’t want to teach my children to worship a homeless man on Sunday, and then contradict that by driving right by him on Monday.    May today be a day of gratitude for our bodies, by which we can use to build His kingdom among us- by loving one another,  by feeding the hungry, clothing the naked and focusing on a bigger body, The Body of Christ.  Together in union with Him, Tammy 

 Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. Had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. We are honored to serve such a Leader who loves us so much. 

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